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blairoverstreet

Blair Overstreet my anaconda don't

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September 4, 2020 the darcy family famous mac & cheese #oversnackt 90k 83	August 26, 2020 mom mailed me some old family recipes so we're about to have a party up in here #oversnackt 102k 105	August 14, 2020 where can i find a fish-shaped cookie cutter? i'm going to give these cats an identity crisis #oversnackt 101k 166
August 8, 2020 good morning, drink your veggies (again) #oversnackt 84k 142	July 20, 2020 the devil made me do it #oversnackt 46k 84	July 5, 2020 bread makes you fat? #oversnackt 94k 266
June 6, 2020 taco tuesday 🌮 #oversnackt 109k 249	May 19, 2020 good morning, eat your veggies #oversnackt 76k 169	May 18, 2020 and i cook, too #oversnackt 51k 84

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kale pesto pasta

PESTO INGREDIENTS
½ cup almonds
3.5 oz kale
0.9 oz fresh basil
2 garlic cloves
1 unwaxed lemon, zest & juice
black pepper, to taste
¾ tsp salt
3 tbsp nutritional yeast (optional)
½ cup extra virgin olive oil

PASTA INGREDIENTS
13 oz penne
3.5 oz green peas
2 baby zucchini, sliced thinly
7 oz asparagus, chopped
hemp seeds (optional)
nutritional yeast (optional)
chili flakes (optional)

1. Roast almonds in a hot pan until golden and fragrant. Allow to cool down completely.

2. Place all pesto ingredients apart from the olive oil into a food processor. Process until chopped small and then start trickling in olive oil while the motor is going.

3. Boil a large pot of water and cook your pasta. Ask James how he likes his pasta. He will say he's not hungry. Tell him he will be soon but all right, al dente it is then.

4. Prepare the vegetables: boil the peas for 2 minutes and then plunge them in ice-cold water to preserve color. Stir-fry the zucchini and asparagus in a hot wok for 2 minutes.

5. Drain the pasta and toss it in the pesto, mix the veggies in and top with a 1:1 ratio of nutritional yeast for a quick vegan parmesan and a light sprinkle of chili flakes. Attempt to serve. James will still not be hungry. Insist that he at least try it. Use buzzwords: light, zesty, green, fucking kale. Take it extremely personally when he still refuses. Get mad and storm off with the entire bowl. Eat it in bed yourself while Ellie braids your hair. She thought it was good.

green goddess smoothie

INGREDIENTS
½ cup unsweetened almond milk
½ cup honey yogurt
2 bananas, cut and frozen
3 cup baby spinach
berries, frozen (optional)

1. Aggressively toss all ingredients into a blender and puree until smooth. Top with frozen berries. Do not include a straw.

2. Leave on the countertop and yell "liquid breakfast for assholes".

steak tacos

INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons lime juice
2 tablespoons canola oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon dried oregano
1½ pounds skirt steak, cut into ½-inch pieces
¾ cup diced red onion
½ cup chopped fresh cilantro leaves
mini flour tortillas, warmed
1 lime, cut into wedges

1. Keep an exact count of the number of times Scott says Taco Tuesday. When he reaches 24, snap. Okay, we're having Taco Tuesday. What kind of tacos does he usually make? Listen patiently while he goes on for 10–15 minutes about some guy named Kenny and steak tacos and MORE CHILI POWDER DUDE and then some tangent about a wild night in Vancouver. So steak? Yes, steak. Do not bother insulting Scott. You will never hurt his feelings, he'll only laugh in that way he does that makes it seem like he is in on every joke, even the ones that are about him.

2. In a medium bowl, combine soy sauce, lime juice, 1 tablespoon canola oil, garlic, chili powder, cumin and oregano. Scott will ask if he can help. Remember him yelling something about chili powder. Do not let him help. Measure carefully.

3. In a gallon size Ziploc bag or large bowl, combine soy sauce mixture and steak. Allow Scott to pour the mixture. See, you're helping. Let marinate for at least 1 hour up to 4 hours, instructing Scott to turn the bag occasionally. See, you're helping. Try not to openly grin when James asks the big lug if he wants to take a walk and he kindly refuses because he has to turn the bag in ten minutes. He's helping, James.

4. Heat remaining 1 tablespoon canola oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Give Scott some bagged tortillas to microwave between damp paper towels to keep him from insisting he can help with this part. Add steak and marinade to skillet and cook, stirring often, until steak has browned and marinade has reduced -- about 5–6 minutes, or until desired doneness.

5. Serve steak in tortillas, topped with onion, cilantro and lime. Wonder when Scott found time to make margaritas. "Taco Tuesday," he will say like this is an answer. Taco Tuesday.

parker house rolls

INGREDIENTS
1 envelope active dry yeast
1 cup whole milk
¼ cup vegetable shortening
3 tablespoons sugar
1½ teaspoons kosher salt

1 large egg, room temperature
3½ cups all-purpose flour, plus more for surface
Canola oil (for bowl)
¼ cup unsalted butter

1. Spend 2 full months refusing to make sourdough (or any kind of bread, but especially sourdough) and making fun of every person you know who suddenly thinks they're a baker. Only give in when Ellie looks at you with those sweet Bambi eyes and wistfully says she wishes she had some fresh bread. Cut off Carter as quickly as possible and insist that you will help and that maybe men should stay out of the kitchen. For extra effect, tell him to go play Uno with Scott.

2. Whisk yeast and ¼ cup warm water (110°-115°) in a small bowl; let stand 5 minutes. Attempt to use these 5 minutes to tease Ellie about her apron. Who told her to put on more clothes? She looks so good out of them. Stop (reluctantly) only when she insists there is more work to do while the yeast activates. Repeat yeast in a suggestive way even though there's nothing sexy about yeast.

3. Heat milk in a small saucepan over medium until just warm. Combine shortening, sugar, and kosher salt in a large bowl. Add warm milk; whisk to blend, breaking up shortening into small clumps. Whisk in yeast mixture and egg. Add 3½ cups flour; stir vigorously with a wooden spoon until dough forms.

4. Knead dough with lightly floured hands on a lightly floured surface until smooth, 4–5 minutes. Transfer to a lightly oiled bowl; turn to coat. Cover loosely with plastic wrap. Let stand at room temperature until doubled, about 1½ hours. Tell Ellie you know something you can do to fill 1½ hours. She will say "watch Ratatouille?!" and so you will watch Ratatouille. Stretch out so there is no room for Carter. This is the Sapphic Sofa.

5. Preheat oven to 350°. Melt butter in a small saucepan. Lightly brush cast iron pan with some melted butter. Punch down dough; divide into 4 equal pieces. Working with 1 piece at a time, roll out on a lightly floured surface into a 12x6" rectangle. Compliment Ellie on how good she is with her hands.

6. Cut rolled out pieces into three 4x2" rectangles. Brush half of each with melted butter and fold unbuttered side over; place into cast iron pan, overlapping if necessary to fit. Brush with melted butter, loosely cover with plastic, and chill at least 30 minutes or up to 6 hours. Tell Ellie you know something you can do to fill 30 minutes to 6 hours. She will say "watch Julie & Julia?!" and so you will watch Julie & Julia. Wonder out loud what a threesome with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams would be like in explicit detail until Ellie hides under a blanket. Where'd you go, Eleanor? You don't like ham sandwiches anymore? What about fish tacos?

7. Bake rolls until golden and puffed, 25–35 minutes. Inform Ellie you cannot wait another minute or watch another movie and no, not even an episode of The Great British Bake-Off, without getting your hands on her. Sweep her off to the bedroom. Make her come twice.

8. You have burned the bread. Repeat steps 2–6. The double feature this time will be The Hundred-Foot Journey and No Reservations. Discuss with Carter at length all the things you'd let Catherine Zeta-Jones do to you in explicit detail until Ellie springs up from the couch and loudly says "Okay it has been thirty minutes and I think the bread is chilled enough now!"

9. Bake rolls until golden and puffed, 25–35 minutes. Brush with butter. Say yeast again to see Ellie blush despite the word still not being even a little sexy. Serve warm.

lime jell-o salad

INGREDIENTS
1 3 oz package Lime Jell-O
1 cup boiling water
1 8 oz package cream cheese, softened
1 cup heavy cream

¼ teaspoon salt
1 20 oz can pineapple
1 cup chopped pecans

1. Crush a 12-pack of wine coolers with Carter while playing cards because a buff giant who has invaded your vacation and eaten all the meat has now also drank all the beer.

2. Place the Jell-O in a heat-proof mixing bowl. Add boiling water and stir until gelatin is completely dissolved. Let stand until cool but not set.

3. With a stand mixer or hand mixer on low speed, beat the cream cheese until creamy and whipped. Innocently tell Ellie you are making dessert when she asks. She will not believe you, but she'll stick around to make sure you're not putting rat poison in the food, because Carter specifically stating that you are not putting rat poison in the food will arouse far more suspicion than saying nothing.

4. Add the cooled Jell-O, pineapple, nuts, and salt and stir until combined. Do not be alarmed if this looks disgusting, because it will also taste disgusting, and that is what is is meant to be. Do not stand between Jell-o salad and its destiny.

5. Pour into mold and refrigerate until ready to serve. You are out of beers, so mix up a batch of martinis. Toast to Scott drinking all the beers. Are there sex noises coming from James' bedroom? Investigate quietly. Results will likely be inconclusive.

6. Unmold Jell-o onto serving platter and garnish with lettuce and lime slices. Appreciate the horror you've created. Take it with you as you barge unannounced into James' room. Hello, Room Service! We heard there was a very hungry boy in here!

carrot ginger turmeric smoothie

CARROT JUICE INGREDIENTS
2 cups carrots
1 ½ cups filtered water

SMOOTHIE INGREDIENTS
1 large ripe banana, peeled, sliced and frozen
1 cup pineapple
½ tablespoon fresh ginger, peeled
¼ teaspoon ground turmeric
½ cup carrot juice
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 cup unsweetened almond milk

1. Make carrot juice by adding carrots and filtered water to a high speed blender and blending on high until completely pureed and smooth. Add more water if it has trouble blending. Scrape down sides as needed.

2. Drape a large, thin dish towel over a mixing bowl and pour over the juice. Then lift up on the corners of the towel and begin twisting and squeezing the juice out until all of the liquid is extracted.

3. Combine all ingredients in blender. Say good morning to Nicole, who will be looking all soft and glowy, barely clothed, likely freshly fucked. Offer her half of your smoothie, but say it like what you're really offering is to bend her over your knee and show her who her daddy is. Forget to put the top on the blender before turning it on.

4. Fuck it. And fuck her, too. Bitches who laugh get to make their own breakfast.

tuna cat treats

INGREDIENTS
6 oz undrained tuna
1 cup flour
1 cup cornmeal
1 egg
2 tablespoons water

1. Lock Reno in your room. Tell her how sorry you are and assure her that she is still your baby and you will be back for her soon.

2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Open canned tuna. Ignore Fred and Ginger, who will come rushing in like two bats out of hell, mewing and pawing at your legs for some of that sweet chicken of the sea. What, now they're your best friends? Call for James to come corral them because they can have your bribe when it's cooked and ready.

3. Apologize to Fred and Ginger. They did nothing to deserve your ire.

4. Place all ingredients into mixing bowl, stir well until soft dough forms.

5. Let dough rest for 10 minutes. Check on the cats. Accept that you have done wrong by shooing them and are not owed their forgiveness.

6. Use a small cookie cutter to cut dough into shapes.

7. Place on parchment paper-lined cookie sheet and bake for 15–20 minutes. Let cool before serving. Say absolutely nothing when Scott drops in on the kitchen, grabs a handful of treats, and shoves them all into his mouth at once. He will generously say "huh, these are... different," and you will generously remain silent, because you are not the one who just ate cat food.

darcy family mac & cheese

INGREDIENTS
1 lb dried elbow pasta
½ cup unsalted butter
½ cup all purpose flour
1½ cups whole milk
2½ cups half and half

4 cups grated medium sharp cheddar cheese
2 cups grated Gruyere cheese
½ tablespoon salt
½ teaspoon black pepper
¼ teaspoon paprika

1. Time travel to the year 2006. You are 16 years old. Your grandfather is 90. He won't make it to your 17th birthday, but neither of you know that yet, obviously. Pneumonia is a sneaky bitch.

2. Boil elbow pasta for between 4 and 5 minutes. Drain and drizzle with olive oil.

3. Grate cheeses and toss together to mix. Reserve 3 cups. Sneak a little from the freshly grated pile because cooking is hard work and you're starving, and he'll pretend not to notice.

4. Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Sprinkle in flour and whisk to combine. Cook for approximately 1 minute, whisking often. Ask if you're doing it right. You're doing it right. Slowly pour in 2 cups of half and half, while whisking constantly, until smooth. Ask if you're doing it right. You're doing it right. Pour in the remaining half and half, while whisking constantly, until combined and smooth. Ask if you're doing it right. Be told to stop asking if you're doing it right -- you're doing it right. Continue to heat, whisking often, until the sauce reaches a thick consistency.

5. Remove from the heat and stir in spices and 1½ cups of the cheeses, stirring to melt and combine. Stir in another 1½ cups of cheese, and stir until completely melted and smooth. Offer your grandfather a taste. It's right.

6. In a large mixing bowl, combine drained pasta with cheese sauce, stirring to combine fully. Pour half of the pasta mixture into the prepared baking dish. Top with 1½ cups of grated cheeses, then top that with the remaining pasta mixture.

7. Sprinkle the top with the last 1½ cups of cheese and bake for 15 minutes, until cheesy is bubbly and lightly golden brown. Serve. Smile and say nothing when your grandfather tells you you're going to make some man very happy someday.

darcy family mac & cheese: the remix

INGREDIENTS
dry pasta
cheese
butter
flour
milk/half and half
seasoning

1. Wait until it is raining. Drink three beers. Sit at the kitchen table feeling melancholy and stare out the window for as long as you feel like. Put on some Sufjan Stevens and judge yourself for what a cliche you are. Let James join you, he's always been your favorite person to be melancholy with. He's always been your favorite person.

2. Search the cabinets. Ask if there is any dry pasta. Of course he will not know, why would he know when he doesn't eat. Find pasta. Put on a pot. Boil it until it looks right. Drain and toss with olive oil.

3. Grate whatever cheese Scott hasn't eaten. Eat a lot of it yourself, you're allowed. Put some of it in a pan with the flour and butter. Make the sauce from memory. Combine with pasta, layer, top, layer, bake. Dance with James in the kitchen. Is he going to eat this time? You worked so hard. "Mm. Maybe." It's your grandfather's favorite recipe. "Mm." The dead one. "Mm." If he loves you, he'll at least try it.

4. "Okay." Okay.

5. Remove from oven when cheese is lightly golden brown and serve. Only a little, a large spoonful, you're not unreasonable. More for you. Big bowl for you. James will take a bite because he loves you, whether you make him happy or not.